From the day we are born we are taught to be successful, smart and brilliant, but enjoy life at the same time. To share, but fight for what we want at the same time. To enjoy, be happy and go about our days with ease. To work hard, because only hard work pays off.
People are different. They have different goals—personal and professional ones. They have different views and want different things. Some are obsessed with their careers and see their current jobs as means of progression. Some see their personal lives as the only important focus in life. Some just want peace and stay under the radar. Some are so goal obsessed that they want results no matter what—event at the expense of the team or even the company. But all of them have one thing in common—they all use their jobs as a means to get to their goals—be it business or personal ones. So, as a leader, how do you change someone that you see hurting your company, hurting the atmosphere? How do you change someone that doesn’t want to change or see the need for it? So, as a leader, what do you do?
The relationship is more than just a byproduct when we talk about business coaching—especially in the case of intense executive or leadership coaching. The coaching relationship is the vehicle for change—it is itself the tool, the means of facilitation of change and not the result of it.
Sometimes you are called in to make something that failed work again. The only worse thing that can happen is for people to give up when they fail the first time. Working with business or individual coaching clients, some have had their previous coaching attempts fail. A lot of them give up. Some of them take another try—fortunately. So, what are the hidden reasons why coaching fails?
Ending psychotherapy or counselling should ideally be a part of therapy itself and as such a part of reparative therapeutic relationship. If done appropriately, endings can have a therapeutic impact also and can offer the client a new experience as to how relationships in life can be handled. Even though therapy relationships can differ based on the approach used and also based on the “depth” of psychotherapeutic work, ending therapy should ideally be planned ahead and agreed as part of treatment.
Psychotherapy or counselling relationship should ideally terminate when the end goal is met. This is the goal that the client and therapist set as their therapy goal (in transactional analysis we call them treatment contracts). This kind of ending is an ideal one. However, sometimes we find a client terminating psychotherapy or counselling relationship unexpectedly—prior to therapy coming to its natural end. I will focus on the latter scenario of terminating therapy in this post.
“If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favour” Ben Franklin supposedly claimed. Regardless of the exact citation, his message is clear—get closer to people by having them do you a favour. Relationships are the key, I guess.
Just as it doesn’t take a formal psychiatric diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) for one to be affected by its traits, it also does not take a full-blown BPD for promiscuity and sexual masochism to affect a person. Therapists have long been seeing clients that presented with borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits and at the same time had their relationships affected and destroyed by promiscuity and random sexual relations. Some of them are affected more than others with some also affected by sexual masochism (often accompanied by sadomasochism).
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a developmental disorder of the self. It is characterised by extreme emotional reactions, impulsivity, difficulty of properly engaging in relationships and diminished sense of self. Individuals with borderline personality disorder have difficulties with their sense of self, their self-esteem and self-worth. Relationships are a measure of gaining their sense of self and that is why they put great importance onto others, which is why they may often come across as overly pleasing sometimes.
As partners will often agree, relationships with any personality disorder type are a challenge, but in the case of borderline personality disorder relationships are even more of a roller coaster. And, as we know, one does not have to have a formal personality disorder diagnoses to have the traits of one and bring those into their relationships—either with intimate partners, friends, work, or other kinds of social situations. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can put a strain on any relationship, which makes the disorder even more important to understand if we are faced with a partner that poses with its traits.