Category: Psychotherapy Blog

Why You Need to Accept Yourself Before You Can Change - Ales Zivkovic Psychotherapy and Counselling Primrose Hill & Belsize Park

Why You Need to Accept Yourself Before You Can Change

You can only change what you see, what you are aware of, what you acknowledge and embrace

You walk into the therapy room filled with hope that the hurt is finally going to end. You open up your vulnerability, your secrets to the one and only person you think can help at that time. It’s hard, but at least initially it seems it’s working.

And then you stumble. You slip right off the edge. Into darkness and despair.

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Changing Your Ways in Life - Ales Zivkovic

Changing Your Ways in Life

From the day we are born we are taught to be successful, smart and brilliant, but enjoy life at the same time. To share, but fight for what we want at the same time. To enjoy, be happy and go about our days with ease. To work hard, because only hard work pays off.

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Success Has a Problem with Definition - Ales Zivkovic

Success Has a Problem with Definition

“The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” as defined by dictionaries. In reality, almost always just an aim—rarely a purpose. Life purpose—one of the topics my psychotherapy and coaching clients have in common. Not a problem. The problem is we often end up juggling thoughts around their career plans. Maybe success but a very narrow view of purpose.

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How Stoicism Can Hurt You - Ales Zivkovic Psychotherapy and Counselling

How Stoicism Can Hurt You

Give it a bit more time and it might become shameful not being stoic under the pressures of cosmopolitan society. Where does the whole mantra come from? I am wondering, where are we getting stuck here?

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Anxiety and London Property Ladder

Anxiety and the London Property Ladder

Can owning real estate be a defence for one’s own emotional insecurities and deficiencies? Is that the reason for climbing the London property ladder? Can it reduce our existential anxiety? OK, maybe I’m making a giant leap here in my assumption, but still—no reason for the assumption to be completely off—and not all of the time either.

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Cognitive dissonance, relationships, trust

Cognitive Dissonance, Relationships and Trust

“If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favour” Ben Franklin supposedly claimed. Regardless of the exact citation, his message is clear—get closer to people by having them do you a favour. Relationships are the key, I guess.

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Borderline Personality Disorder, Promiscuity and Sexual Masochism

Borderline Personality Disorder, Promiscuity and Sexual Masochism

Just as it doesn’t take a formal psychiatric diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) for one to be affected by its traits, it also does not take a full-blown BPD for promiscuity and sexual masochism to affect a person. Therapists have long been seeing clients that presented with borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits and at the same time had their relationships affected and destroyed by promiscuity and random sexual relations. Some of them are affected more than others with some also affected by sexual masochism (often accompanied by sadomasochism).

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Mother's Emotional Wellbeing and Child Development

Mother’s Emotional Wellbeing and Child Development

It is not really a secret and probably any therapist will be able to confirm to you that parenting has an influence on child’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. I share this view and think that parenting has an important impact on how the child is going to view themselves, others and the world later on in life—also as an adult. I covered this topic already a while ago in a separate piece: Mindful Parenting as Essence of Child’s Mental Health. Recently published research about the impact of mother’s personality traits on child’s level of depression, anxiety and self-harm confirms what, as a therapist, I see with my psychotherapy clients all the time.

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Discriminating the Wealthy Elite in Therapy

Discriminating the “Wealthy Elite” and Therapy

This piece has nothing to do with social justice. It also has nothing to do with wealth equality or levels of social inequality. It has nothing to do with the fact that socially marginalised are often not able to access therapy in the way they should be. Blending all of that into this one topic would be missing the point and refusing to see. Maybe it would be willingly avoiding the point—because it might feel better to avoid it. But I decided not to avoid it. And I decided so not only because of what I was hearing in social circles, but because I was even sensing it between some of my fellow therapists.

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Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships, BPD Relationships

Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

As partners will often agree, relationships with any personality disorder type are a challenge, but in the case of borderline personality disorder relationships are even more of a roller coaster. And, as we know, one does not have to have a formal personality disorder diagnoses to have the traits of one and bring those into their relationships—either with intimate partners, friends, work, or other kinds of social situations. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can put a strain on any relationship, which makes the disorder even more important to understand if we are faced with a partner that poses with its traits.

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