It is not really a secret and probably any therapist will be able to confirm to you that parenting has an influence on child’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. I share this view and think that parenting has an important impact on how the child is going to view themselves, others and the world later on in life—also as an adult. I covered this topic already a while ago in a separate piece: Mindful Parenting as Essence of Child’s Mental Health. Recently published research about the impact of mother’s personality traits on child’s level of depression, anxiety and self-harm confirms what, as a therapist, I see with my psychotherapy clients all the time.
This piece has nothing to do with social justice. It also has nothing to do with wealth equality or levels of social inequality. It has nothing to do with the fact that socially marginalised are often not able to access therapy in the way they should be. Blending all of that into this one topic would be missing the point and refusing to see. Maybe it would be willingly avoiding the point—because it might feel better to avoid it. But I decided not to avoid it. And I decided so not only because of what I was hearing in social circles, but because I was even sensing it between some of my fellow therapists.
As partners will often agree, relationships with any personality disorder type are a challenge, but in the case of borderline personality disorder relationships are even more of a roller coaster. And, as we know, one does not have to have a formal personality disorder diagnoses to have the traits of one and bring those into their relationships—either with intimate partners, friends, work, or other kinds of social situations. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can put a strain on any relationship, which makes the disorder even more important to understand if we are faced with a partner that poses with its traits.
April is stress awareness month. Stress is becoming more and more part of our everyday—we cannot even think of daily life without stress anymore—and as such is also either cause or accompanying many mental health and other psychological issues people bring into psychotherapy and counselling. However, a closer look at the internet search statistics, reveals astonishing figures related to stress, anxiety and depression, which are the top three mental health-related searches in the UK.
A corporate executive that spent half of her life chasing her career, getting one promotion after the other and moving up the corporate ladder, only to find out—usually in her thirties—that she in fact never achieved what she wanted, whilst her life is slipping by. She wakes up anxious, not knowing what she is doing, where she is going and slightly doubting that she knows what she wants to achieve. She cannot take pleasure in fruits of her hard work although she can afford to. She sees younger generation as competition and starts wondering how long she can keep this up. And what then? When? She can no longer relate to the little girl that sat on her daddy’s shoulders, pulling his hair as they walked through the zoo.
In therapy room this topic is likely to come up at some point. And it will usually come up in many forms. From questions like “Will therapy make me happy?” to statements from the client that therapy is making them feel more sad or depressed or even claiming therapy is making things worse for them in general. Any therapist working with wide variety and number of clients will get used to these questions and allegations. But, even though, this might not be something new to the therapist, it is very much new to the client.
Narcissism by nature of the personality structure manifestation makes it hard for a narcissist to engage in authentic and intimate relationships. People who engage in a relationship with a narcissist will often be subject to the lack of connection, empathy and intimacy. They may find themselves under fire of allegations that they are too controlling and smothering. Even though these accusations will be part of narcissist’s distorted reality, there will often also be some pathology related to why someone gets involved with a narcissist in the first place. Usually such pathology will be unconscious.
Development of narcissism tends to start early in life and is often mistaken for confidence. In addition, today’s society often incubates narcissism and narcissists as a virtue, rather than pathology. But that doesn’t mean that the pain a narcissist will go through will be any less once they break. And there is also the pain of their partners in the relationships they form—even though they are not capable of sustaining a true intimate and healthy relationship. So, what causes someone to be a narcissist?
Is narcissist a modern day standard and is narcissism on the rise in cosmopolitan world today? At least the latter is often a question and the answer is also simple. But I guess the straightforward answer would not really be enough. The next question is why is that so, why is it happening and why?