As a founder, how do you get out when you are squeezed into a corner just because you care so much? “OK, maybe I need to make an effort to make this work; maybe it’s just me who wants things my own way; maybe I’m too demanding of everyone.” You can’t always have it your own way is the usual response? If you’re a founder, I guess you can relate.
Take for instance a real estate agent working for a large real estate business. He’s ambitious and sets his weekly targets highly. He’s meeting them and surpassing them consistently. Beating his colleagues persistently week after week. The boss loves him, the bonus confirms it.
From the day we are born we are taught to be successful, smart and brilliant, but enjoy life at the same time. To share, but fight for what we want at the same time. To enjoy, be happy and go about our days with ease. To work hard, because only hard work pays off.
“The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” as defined by dictionaries. In reality, almost always just an aim—rarely a purpose. Life purpose—one of the topics my psychotherapy and coaching clients have in common. Not a problem. The problem is we often end up juggling thoughts around their career plans. Maybe success but a very narrow view of purpose.
Give it a bit more time and it might become shameful not being stoic under the pressures of cosmopolitan society. Where does the whole mantra come from? I am wondering, where are we getting stuck here?
People are different. They have different goals—personal and professional ones. They have different views and want different things. Some are obsessed with their careers and see their current jobs as means of progression. Some see their personal lives as the only important focus in life. Some just want peace and stay under the radar. Some are so goal obsessed that they want results no matter what—event at the expense of the team or even the company. But all of them have one thing in common—they all use their jobs as a means to get to their goals—be it business or personal ones. So, as a leader, how do you change someone that you see hurting your company, hurting the atmosphere? How do you change someone that doesn’t want to change or see the need for it? So, as a leader, what do you do?
The relationship is more than just a byproduct when we talk about business coaching—especially in the case of intense executive or leadership coaching. The coaching relationship is the vehicle for change—it is itself the tool, the means of facilitation of change and not the result of it.
Sometimes you are called in to make something that failed work again. The only worse thing that can happen is for people to give up when they fail the first time. Working with business or individual coaching clients, some have had their previous coaching attempts fail. A lot of them give up. Some of them take another try—fortunately. So, what are the hidden reasons why coaching fails?
Ending psychotherapy or counselling should ideally be a part of therapy itself and as such a part of reparative therapeutic relationship. If done appropriately, endings can have a therapeutic impact also and can offer the client a new experience as to how relationships in life can be handled. Even though therapy relationships can differ based on the approach used and also based on the “depth” of psychotherapeutic work, ending therapy should ideally be planned ahead and agreed as part of treatment.
Psychotherapy or counselling relationship should ideally terminate when the end goal is met. This is the goal that the client and therapist set as their therapy goal (in transactional analysis we call them treatment contracts). This kind of ending is an ideal one. However, sometimes we find a client terminating psychotherapy or counselling relationship unexpectedly—prior to therapy coming to its natural end. I will focus on the latter scenario of terminating therapy in this post.